it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
