I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
