Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize