no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
