well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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