If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
