lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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