Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
