I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize