Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Drunk is not a location!
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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