My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
