Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
