So drunk, too bad you don't want this
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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