make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
