i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
