Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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