i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
