go do what you do best...puke behind churches
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
nutella sex= disaster
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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