Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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