I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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