i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
