So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
