last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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