i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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