I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
