Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
