I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
