I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
So. Much. Porn.
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