How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
