Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
