It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Sorry my hands just texted you
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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