I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
