I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
