I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i dont even know how to be here
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
