highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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