it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
