Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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