And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
