i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
