We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
