Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize