Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
