just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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