sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I need to calm my uterus...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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