Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize