with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
