Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
