the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Randomize
