every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
