I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
