I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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