this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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