what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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