I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
