a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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