I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
