there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
