The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know đ
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying âFUCK YOUâ to all my spam emails. Canât tell you how excited I am
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Iâm mid 4sum and youâre sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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