fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
We had to coat check the pizza.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
