guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
