Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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