he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
