Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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