found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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