very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It's blow job season.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
