Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Randomize